I Hate Myself For Loving You
by blahblahblah86
Summary: Jake broke Marley's heart. And yet he keeps playing the victim. This ends NOW. With the help of Santana and Kitty Marley shows her angry/sexy side through song. Jarley - Karley (friendship) -SantanaxMarley (friendship) Rated M for language.
1. Chapter 1

_AU in which Ryder isn't after Marley (at the moment) and Santana is in Lima instead of NY in "Movin' On"_

_First Jarley fic : BE KIND._

_Disclaimer: none._

* * *

_'Keep it to yourself it's my life.'_

Jake finished his performance for Glee Club.

Marley cursed herself on the inside. She was so stupid to think she could change him.

**_'But I love him.'_**

Marley got up and rolled her eyes as she left the choir room.

Kitty and Unique filled her.

"Marley, you are so much better off." Unique said, trying to comfort her best friend. "He's a womanizer."

"I know." Marley finally let her guard down and a few tears fell down her cheek.

"Marley, you still love him." Kitty said, she didn't have to question her.

"Of course!" Marley yelled, "And I hate myself for it."

"I have an idea." Kitty gave a devilish smile.

* * *

"Santana?" Marley walked into the auditorium, "What are you doing here?"

"Kitty called me. She told me everything." Santana brought Marley in for a comforting hug.

"I just want to hate him, but I can't just _not_ love him." Marley sobbed.

"Well, little miss innocent, we are going to sing a song to him. In front of Glee Club." Santana rubbed Marley's arms comforting her, "And we're going to do it Lima Heights style. Make him regret ever hurting you."

"But it's Billy Joel week…" Marley said looking at the sheet music.

"Don't worry, I talked to Schue. He thinks Jake singing that song was uncalled for, too. So he's giving you this opportunity to get back at him." Santana laughed, "Teacher of the year, huh?"

Marley let out a small laugh.

"I'm just afraid. This song is so not me." Marley said.

"Well, remember during Katy vs. Gaga? I know you weren't comfortable. I mean hell you were the only girl and they were going to make you wear a bra made out of leather gloves…I wouldn't even be comfortable in that situation. But this is different. You'll have me and Kitty backing you up. Just let your feelings go!"

"Okay," Marley sighed, giving Santana a hug.

* * *

"So today we have a little guest today…"

"Let me guess…Santana…" Tina rolled her eyes.

"You're right. But she's here to help a fellow team member break out of her shell a little more." Mr. Schue explained, "Come on in, Santana."

Santana walked into the room wearing full on leather. Her make up very 80's chic.

"Well I know it's Billy Joel week, even though that makes zero sense seeing as we've sung many a Billy Joel song in here, but my girls and I have prepared a little song by Joan Jett."

Kitty then followed, wearing a similar outfit to Santana's, her blonde hair in a very Cherie Currie style.

"And I don't think we really need to announce who this song is for." Kitty looked straight at Jake.

"Hit it!"

The beat began and everyone started clapping along.

Suddenly Marley walked in. She looked stunning. Her leather ensemble much, much tighter. Her make up was even as intense as Santana's, which was saying something.

She ran up to the guitarist and yelled out "Ow" then ran towards Kitty and Santana.

They started their dance routine bending towards the ground as Marley started to sing.

_Midnight, gettin' uptight, where are you?_  
_You said you'd meet me, now it's quarter to two_  
_I know I'm hangin' but I'm still wantin' you_

They rolled off the ground and grabbed chair's, sitting backwards on them.

_Hey Jack, it's a fact they're talkin' in town_  
_I turn my back and you're messin' around_  
_I'm not really jealous, don't like lookin' like a clown_

Marley stood up and kicked her chair over as the Kitty and Santana remained sitting leaning back singing vocal back ups.

_I think of you ev'ry night and day  
You took my heart then you took my pride away_

She walked right up to Jake, conveniently sitting in the front row, as she sang that line. But only to turn her back towards him throwing her leather jacket in his face, showing off her perfect body in a white camisole and tight leather pants.

_I hate myself for loving you_  
_Can't break free from the things that you do_  
_I wanna walk but I run back to you_  
_That's why I hate myself for loving you_

_Ow! Uh_

Marley began showing off her sexy moves along with Kitty and Santana. They were basically grinding on the ground.

She moved back towards the guitar player and grabbed the side of his jacket, banging their bodies together as she shook next to him.

The chorus repeated over and over. Marley let herself go all out. Not caring what Jake or anyone else thought. She let her emotions take over. She flipped her hair like crazy and shook around in all the right places.

All the guys in the room, especially Jake could not believe it. This was not the sweet innocent Marley Rose they all knew. It was a side of her no one, not even she, knew about it.

_'I hate myself for loving you!'_

Everyone applauding, giving them a standing ovation, even Jake couldn't deny the amazing performance Marley gave, even if it was about how much he hurt her.

**_'I deserved this.'_**

Santana gave Marley a hug, whispering how awesome that was. But Marley shortly lost it and ran out of the room.

Everyone stared at Jake.

"Go fix her." Santana said in a very threatening tone.

* * *

Marley was sitting in the girls's bathroom sobbing. With the amount of make up she had on, she probably looked like a raccoon, but who cares?

"Marley…" She heard his voice.

"NO!" she screamed, "YOU AREN'T GOING TO JUST COME IN HERE AND MAKE EVERYTHING BETTER."

"I'm sorry for…"

"Fucking Bree the day after I told you I wasn't ready? The day after? Or maybe you're sorry for showing off all the newest bimbos who are willing to fuck you." Marley got up and wiped her tears away.

She looked him straight in the eyes.

"Have you ever had an eating disorder, Jake?"

Jake had no clue how to react to that statement.

"Because I have, as everyone knows, and it does't only fuck with your body." She stayed strong, but inside was breaking, "It affects you head and mind. I love you and I always wanted to loose my virginity to you. And you saying I didn't consider it wasn't fair. I thought about it all the time. And I trusted you, Jake. As in I used to trust you. It was never that. I just still needed time to trust myself and believe that I was beautiful! You don't get over an eating disorder like that Jake."

"You aren't…"

"No, I stopped purging, but I still have horrible body image and I wasn't able to let you see me like that. The sad part was that I was getting there. Like I was really, really getting there. But you ruined this Jake. You selfish asshole. If I wasn't giving you what you wanted why didn't you just fucking break up with me? WHY? I WANT TO KNOW!"

"Because I couldn't loose you. I didn't want to be that guy. I wanted to wait for you. I wanted to make love to you and I thought I could wait, but I was a stupid asshole getting caught up with fucking hormones. I don't deserve you and I know I don't deserve a second chance. I'm so so sorry I lost you trust."

"You are completely right. You don't deserve a second chance." She got up to leave.

"That does't mean I won't ever give it to you though." Marley paused looking back at him, "Someday."

He swore he heard her mumble something under her breath as she was leaving.

"I seriously hate myself so much for loving you." she whispered quietly to herself as she left.

* * *

_Obviously I don't want them to get back together yet, but I wanted the vic to end a little hopeful._

_I was just so annoyed we didn't see more angry Marley, and I wanted Jake to feel worse. But I still ship it._

_And I hate myself for it… ;)_

_xxx_


	2. Author's Note

_Hey guys._

_I honestly don't know if many people read this story, but I want your advice. For those of you who have read the first chapter - are you interested in me continuing it? I will write it if you guys want._

_You can review and answer or just PM me._

_thanks!_

_xxx_


	3. Chapter 2

_So I decided to write another chapter._

_Still don't know how long it will be._

_This one is more from Jake's POV._

_Enjoy xxx_

_Disclaimer: do NOT own._

* * *

He was done. He couldn't do it anymore. He had been trying to get over Marley from the moment she denied his apology.

But he needed her back in his life. Without her was like a part of himself missing.

He didn't deserve another chance, but he needed one.

But now she was sort of with Ryder.

It sucked.

He hated seeing them walk to class together, her laughing at his jokes, but it was his fault. She would still be with him if Jake controlled himself.

He'd never understand what went through his head when he went to Bree. He didn't even like her as a human being, why'd he fuck her?

But he had a mission now - get Marley Rose back into life.

* * *

Weeks later in every single glee assignment, Jake somehow found a way to serenade Marley with a love song.

It was a good thing there were so many of them.

"You need to stop this, Jake." Marley finally spoke to him after glee club.

He serenaded her with "Way Back Into Love" from the movie _Music and Lyrics_.

He knew she loved that song. They'd watch that movie all the time.

"Stop what?" He asked simply, looking into her eyes, "Loving you? No."

"You wouldn't have cheated on me if you loved me." She stated, coldly.

"Marley, you know that I know I fucked up big time, but I need you in my life. And even though you're with Ryder…"

"I'm not with Ryder, Jake." She said averting eye contact, "You think I could move on from you so easily?"

Marley was offended and about to leave, but Jake grabbed her arm.

"Don't leave." His voice was desperate, "Please."

"What do you want, Jake? Me to just take you back as if nothing happened?" Marley said, "I'm sorry, but that can't happen right now."

"You keep saying that like there's hope." Jake said, "Is there?"

"I don't know, Jake."

"Just sing with me again." He said holding her hands, "I heard it's ABBA week. Let's sing a song together. It doesn't have to mean anything just please say yes."

"We'll see." She said, quietly. "Bye Jake."

* * *

What Jake had said about the theme had been proven right. The theme this week was ABBA. It was confirmed on the white board as Marley walked into glee club with Ryder.

"Hey, I saw you talking to Jake, is everything okay?" Ryder said honestly concerned.

"Yeah, I think." She said. She didn't like giving too many details to Ryder since she knew he had feelings for her.

"So I don't need to kick his ass?" Ryder asked a smirk on his face.

"No." Marley laughed.

Jake saw this encounter and couldn't help his jealous feelings. He started to sing.

_'Where are those happy days, they seem so hard to find'_

All eyes were on him, but he didn't care he was singing to Marley, and that never made him nervous.

_'I try to reach for you but you have closed your mind_

_Whatever happened to our love?'_

Marley suddenly looked up as if to say you know what happened.

_'I wish I understood_  
_It used to be so nice_  
_It used to be so good _

_So when you're near me, d__arling can't you hear me?_  
_S.O.S_  
_The love you gave me, n__othing else can save me_  
_S.O.S_  
_When you're gone, __how can I even try to go on?_  
_When you're gone, __though I try, how can I carry on?'_

Marley stood up, obviously angered.

_'You seem so far away, though you are standing near_  
_You made me feel alive, but something died I fear_  
_I really tried to make it out, I wish I understood_  
_What happened to our love, it used to be so good'_

It was as if they were the only two in the room as the chorus repeated.

They both basically confessing to how tragic their lives have become without them, but fear of getting back together and messing things up again.

_'So when you're near me, d__arling can't you hear me?_  
_S.O.S_  
_The love you gave me, n__othing else can save me_  
_S.O.S_  
_When you're gone, __how can I even try to go on?_  
_When you're gone, __though I try, how can I carry on?'_

They harmonized the chorus beautifully. And at the end of the impromptu performance got a rousing round of applause.

The couple couldn't stop staring at one another.

It wasn't a lovey-dovey stare, but a stare of wonder and fear and almost excitement.

But Jake knew what he was going to do, it was still ABBA week and he had the perfect song to sing.

* * *

_So my guilty pleasure is ABBA and yes I know they've sang some ABBA songs, but I personally want a week._

_I hope you guys liked it, there will be another chapter, probably after xmas._

_R&R_

_xxx_


	4. Chapter 3

_Hey guys! This is the second to last chapter!_

_Hope you enjoy this chapter. It's from Marley's POV._

_Love your support!_

_xxx_

_Disclaimer: All rights belong to someone else._

* * *

It was still ABBA week in glee club and Marley was stuck.

Not only about what song she should sing, but about Jake.

She still felt as if he was belittling the fact that he cheated on her multiple times.

'Even once is unforgivable' She was constantly telling herself.

Those were the phrases that went through her mind mainly. About how awful he was to cheat on her, going around with those bimbos in front of him, and above all else how stupid she felt thinking she could change him.

'But maybe he did change…we all make mistakes...'

She shook her head of those thoughts.

She decided to go through more ABBA songs.

It was nice singing S.O.S. with Jake. It let out emotions between the two (even if neither would admit it.)

She strolled across some other fun loving songs, but when she saw the song, she knew it was perfect.

* * *

She sat in glee ready to sing her song.

Many people walked in, as Marley shuffle her sheet music on the piano. She was visibly nervous.

"Don't worry, baby Rose, you'll kill this." Santana said.

"Santana!" Marley hugged her mentor, "What are you doing here?"

"I'm here to see your performance. I heard from Kitty, you and Jake did a little duet."

"Yeah, it was actually nice." Marley admitted, "It let feeling out."

"That's good." Santana smiled, "Anyway good luck!"

Suddenly Jake walked in and went straight up to Marley.

"Marley! I'm so sorry about the duet….it was out of line." Jake said.

"It wasn't that bad Jake. But I've got a song to sing okay?"

"Can't we talk about this?"

Marley started singing, answering his question.

_I don't wanna talk_

The piano started as Jake sat down towards the back.

_About things we've gone through_  
_Though it's hurting me_

She looked down.

_Now it's history_  
_I've played all my cards_

_And that's what you've done too_

She shrugged

_Nothing more to say_  
_No more ace to play_

_The winner takes it all_  
_The loser's standing small_  
_Beside the victory_  
_That's her destiny_

She tried not to make eye contact with Jake.

_I was in your arms_  
_Thinking I belonged there_  
_I figured it made sense_  
_Building me a fence_  
_Building me a home_  
_Thinking I'd be strong there_

finally her eyes caught Jake's.  
_But I was a fool_  
_Playing by the rules_

_The gods may throw the dice_  
_Their minds as cold as ice_  
_And someone way down here_  
_Loses someone dear_  
_The winner takes it all_  
_The loser has to fall_  
_It's simple and it's plain_  
_Why should I complain?_

She looked right at Jake now.

Tears almost forming.

_But tell me does she kiss_  
_Like I used to kiss you?_  
_Does it feel the same_  
_When she calls your name?_  
_Somewhere deep inside_  
_You must know I miss you_

Jake's eyes began to water.

_But what can I say?_  
_Rules must be obeyed_

_The judges will decide_  
_The likes of me abide_  
_Spectators of the show_  
_Always staying low_  
_The game is on again_  
_A lover or a friend_  
_A big thing or a small_  
_The winner takes it all_

She extended her arms wide as she exclaimed that last note.

_I don't wanna talk_

She sighed, shaking her head.  
_Because it makes me feel sad_  
_And I understand_  
_You've come to shake my hand_  
_I apologize_  
_If it makes you feel bad_  
_Seeing me so tense_  
_No self-confidence_  
_But you see_  
_The winner takes it all_  
_The winner takes it all..._

Everyone stood at the end of the performance and gave Marley a big hug.

That is everyone, but Jake.

He ran out of the choir room as fast as he could.

She swear she saw tears in his eyes.

Suddenly she realized her undying love for him and his for her.

* * *

_The next chapter will be the last!_

_Spolier: It's Jake's POV._

_But please please R&R!_

_Also I'm starting a new JARLEY fic. It's called "How Long Will I Love You"_

_It would mean a lot if you check it out!_

_Thanks so much!_

_xxx_


	5. Chapter 4

_Last chapter :(_

_Hope you guys have enjoyed my story and I love you all so much_

_Keep the support coming for my other stories!_

_xxx_

_Disclaimer: Damn, I still don't own it._

* * *

Jake hated crying more than anything in the world.

Well maybe that wasn't true.

He hated what he did to Marley more than anything in the world.

But crying came to a close second.

Seeing her up there literally broke his heart.

'He did that to her.'

He let a sob out.

Suddenly, he heard footsteps coming towards him.

He quickly wiped his tears away and got up to leave.

"You aren't getting away that easily, Puckerman." Santana stated.

"What do you want?" He was angry now, "I already know what a piece of shit I am I don't need to be told it by someone else."

"Jake." Santana wrapped her arms around him, "I hate you for hurting Marley, but you both still love each other."

Jake was taken a back by that statement.

"How can she possibly still love me?" JAke stared at her in awe, "Did we watch the same performance? She's heartbroken."

"And who's supposed to fix that?"

"Me?" Jake looked so confused.

"Jake, she basically told me she still loves you and I know Marley pretty well." Santana told a shocked Jake. "You just have to take it slow, for real this time."

"You really think she'll take me back?"

"If you sing that ABBA song I know you want to sing so badly to her, yes."

"How did you know?" He hid the sheet music.

"My mexican third eye." Santana shrugged, "Now you got to do this right, and you know how that is possible?"

"How?" Jake asked.

"The Auditorium,"

* * *

Jake sat nervously waiting for the rest of glee to appear, but mostly Marley.

As if he was the psychic because as he thought her name he walked in with Tina.

Once everyone was there it was now or never.

The beat started.

_I wasn't jealous before we met_

He looked straight at Marley. Keeping her gaze.

_Now every man that I see is a potential threat_  
_And I'm possessive, it isn't nice_  
_You've heard me saying that smoking was my only vice_  
_But now it isn't true_

He went into the audience and went to Marley's seat.

_Now everything is new_  
_And all I've learned has overturned_  
_I beg of you..._

He was sitting in front of her on his knees "begging her"

Suddenly she begins singing with him

_Don't go wasting your emotion_  
_Lay all your love on me_

She pulled him up and they were both back on the stage.

_It was like shooting a sitting duck_

She fake shot at him, playfully.

_A little small talk, a smile and baby I was stuck_  
_I still don't know what you've done with me_  
_A grown-up woman should never fall so easily_  
_I feel a kind of fear_  
_When I don't have you near_  
_Unsatisfied, I skip my pride_  
_I beg you dear..._

They were harmonizing by now.

He had his hands on her hips and she had her's on his shoulders.

_Don't go wasting your emotion_  
_Lay all your love on me_  
_Don't go sharing your devotion_  
_Lay all your love on me_

The song ended in a chaste kiss between the two.

"So can we be together again?" Jake asked.

"Yes, but we are starting completely over." She took a step back, "I'm Marley Rose."

"Jake Puckerman." He shook her hand.

"I thought it was just Jake." She laughed.

He didn't care if "they didn't know each other" he picked her up in his arms and gave her another kiss, symbolizing their new found love.

* * *

Well I hope you liked it!

YAY happy ending!

R&R and check out "How Long Will I Love You."

love

xxx


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